Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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