We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
