I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
