I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize