Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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