i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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