just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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