just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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