It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
