my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
