Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
