I hate your face
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
don't judge my taste in strippers
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
