Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Alive.
So much puke
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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