Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
