We won't sleep together?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
