I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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