There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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