Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
