I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
