Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
