The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
