i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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