the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
