Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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