Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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