Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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