Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
