there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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