erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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