1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize