i would punch a child for taco bell
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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