so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
