You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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