i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
birth control should be required to get into college
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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