11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
