apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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