Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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