the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
