Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
