It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
