Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
