I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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