i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
