I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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