we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
