i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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