Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
your like the ambassador to my penis.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
