How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
