Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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