I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
