would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
