k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
