you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
