nut hugger
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
