Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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