so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
