Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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