Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
