Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
